I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
