I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
