We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
