good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
