He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
