i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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