I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
