She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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