the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
