i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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