You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
