Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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