I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
