I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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