He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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