I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont even know how to be here
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
