i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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