I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
