I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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