I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
