his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
