Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
