i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
