and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
