I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
