I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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