Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
