I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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