he wants to bone in the snuggie
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
