just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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