i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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