Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
