I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
