Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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