You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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