she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
