um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
not ubering you a puppy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
