just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
