I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
