Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
