Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
