I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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