Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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