A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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