Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How external is "for external use only"?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize