Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
