i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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