who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
