If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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