What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
