If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
