Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
