I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
