I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
