I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
