my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
