ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
