OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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