Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
