my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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