If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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