i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
