The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
