Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
