i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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