theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
