You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
