i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
