i just wanna soil my oats bro
just tell him i said nine months
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
